Matt Kurton: The closing montage
Matt Kurton signs out his Outlaw journey in style with his iron-distance best bits montage…
From Team America to Rocky and Battleship Potemkin (or was that Naked Gun?), we love a good montage here on 220. So here’s Matt Kurton signing out his Outlaw journey in style with his iron-distance best bits…
So that’s it. I’ve done the training. I’ve done the race. I am an Outlaw. And it’s therefore time for an X-Factor-style montage of the past seven months.
So put Shania Twain’s ‘That Don’t Impress Me Much’ on the stereo, and enjoy this nostalgic trip through my iron-distance best bits…
[THE ‘FIRST TIME WE SAW MATT’ SHOT] The camera shows me opening a copy of Howard Fink’s ‘Get Iron Fit’ book on a train. Five seconds later, I put it back in my bag and quietly start to weep.
[WINTER TRAINING MONTAGE] A rapid sequence of shots shows me: falling over in a football field while running in the snow; hugging a barmaid who’s given me a free cup of tea during a two degree ride; being told to take my flippers off because the lifeguard doesn’t understand that it’s more important for me to get my training done than it is to protect people from getting kicked in the face.
[THE ‘HE MIGHT JUST DO THIS’ SHOT] As I somehow manage to ride up the cobbled Hovis hill during a sportive without breaking my collarbone, my face is a picture of happiness.
[THE ‘ACTUALLY HE’S AN IDIOT’ SHOT] Woefully underdressed, I get caught in a freezing hailstorm five miles from home while out running. My hands become so numb I can’t unlock the front door, and my wife has to rub my fingers for half an hour before they finally stop feeling like sausages.
[SPRING TRAINING MONTAGE] A rapid sequence of shots shows me: guiltily skulking back to my desk after another lunch ‘hour’ training session lasts almost two hours; dropping a sandwich on a muddy road, quickly checking behind me, picking the sandwich up and riding on with it in my mouth; setting my alarm to go open-water swimming, looking out at the rain and going to the pool instead.
[THE ‘DIFFICULT CONVERSATION’ SHOT] Sat in a restaurant, I explain to a good friend that I’m not going to make his stag do because it clashes with my biggest training weekend. That actually felt very bad.
[THE ‘MEETING YOUR HERO’ MOMENT] It’s a key part of any montage, but sadly this didn’t happen. I did see Will Self when I was out running though, and I quite like him.
[THE ‘GET THE AUDIENCE TO GASP’ SHOT] My foot slips out of the pedal while I’m getting on my bike, and the one part of me that I really don’t want to slam against the saddle slams against the saddle. The next shot is in a doctor’s surgery, where I am not looking best pleased. As no damage was done, I can just about laugh about this now.
[THE ‘IS HE HAVING A BREAKDOWN?’ SHOT] The camera finds me in the kitchen, spooning peanut butter out of the jar and eating handfuls of cereal from the box. I look suitably sheepish, but carry on regardless.
[THE ‘EVERYTHING THROWN INTO DOUBT’ SHOT] Four days before the race, I go running without insoles and bruise my heel. What a genius.
[RACEDAY MONTAGE] A rapid sequence of shots shows me: loving the swim, having a quick nap in T1, loving the bike up until 80-ish miles, wanting to get off the bike after 90-ish miles, loving the start of the run, dying mid-way through the run, gritting my teeth and somehow running every step of the way.
[THE TEARJERKER CONCLUSION] I stop on the finishing chute to kiss my wife and hug my parents. That moment will stay with me forever.
And all that leads you here – to me, stood in the studio, with Dermot O’Leary’s arm draped around my shoulder and a medal draped around my neck.
It’s been a pleasure writing these blogs, so I hope you’ve enjoyed them. And if you’re even slightly tempted to take the iron-distance challenge, don’t hesitate. Make today the first day of your very own montage…
Matt Baird
Editor of Cycling Plus magazine 
